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Come to Jesus Talk

January 25, 2012

Several years ago one of my best friends in college told me he needed to have a “Come to Jesus talk.”  I had never heard the term before.  For those of you who were like me, it basically means someone lays down the truth to you, perhaps truth, that you didn’t really want to hear.  The thing is, it’s something you NEED to hear.

The man had this type of talk with me this weekend.  I still think he handled the beginning of the conversation a little ham-fistedly, but end of the conversation was good.  It was painful, but good.

I’ve been saying I need to lose weight for three and half years and I haven’t done it.  All I’ve done is gain it.  When I lost weight several years ago it was after a health scare and ten days in the hosptial.  After I gained it back, that scare wasn’t as fresh.  And while I wanted to get healthier, in a way I already was.  Even when I was at my lowest weight I didn’t do triathlons, I didn’t run a half-marathon.  I didn’t even run at all.  So it seemed that really, honestly, the motivation was just to be skinny again.  And we all know that’s not the best motivation.  When pregnant ladies would talk about being healthy for their baby, I was jealous.  They had a reason.  A REAL reason that was more than just superficial, like getting skinnier or running faster.

This weekend the man gave me that reason.  I am not the same person I was when we met.  I’m just not as vibrant and confident.  And my mental health is important.  And my mental health effects our relationship.  My reason to lose weight is my relationship.  He loves me know matter what I look like, but he believes that to find that old me.  That me that wanted to have fun, that was confident, that laughed more than she sat quietly to the side I need to lose the weight.  He shouldn’t be right, but he is.  It isn’t PC to be unhappy and depressed and LESS of a person than I was just because I weigh more, but that’s how it is.  I might be able to run further, do more, I don’t FEEL like me, so I don’t act like me.  I’m not me.

I have to lose weight to find me.  I have to find me to make our relationship work.  If that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is.

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